Click on the song title for lyrics and corresponding journal entry.

You Don't Love Me

I’m here, in the middle of the jungle. Thinking about the everything I left behind. Thinking about the nothing I left behind. So many questions. So many shadows. So much excitement, and so much doubt. It’s hard to believe I’ve undertaken this impossible task, yet I see no other choice. I struggle with my destiny, but like any calling I know I must surrender. Once it is fulfilled, there will be no greater love. This conflict I feel comes from my fear. It is easy to speak about your dreams in the safety of your home. But lying in the jungle, alone, an interloper staring at the night sky far from anyone who cares, the darkness creeps into your soul.

Am I mad? Am I a visionary? Am I a fool? Am I even worthy of Paititi?
Every great journey begins with doubt.

Lyrics

Like the sun
Like the moon your love would rise for anyone
Like the sea
Your tides will always find the better part of me
Like the stars
I always wonder where you are

You don’t love me
No you only love the way I make you feel inside
You don’t want me
No you only want the way I make you feel inside
And the way you feel I’m gonna steal tonight

Like the night
Your love will disappear into the morning light
Like the tree
Your roots will always find the tears beneath my feet

Like the stars
I always wonder where you are

You don’t love me
No you only love the way I make you feel inside
You don’t want me
No you only want the way I make you feel inside
And the way you feel I’m gonna steal tonight
Yeah tonight

Like the stars
I always wonder where you are

You don’t love me
No you only love the way I make you feel inside
You don’t want me
No you only want the way I make you feel inside
And the way you feel I’m gonna steal tonight

Tonight

Dark Places

Yesterday I visited the shaman. I wasn’t sure what to think as I was making my way to him. I had only heard stories of his hidden knowledge, but the men I hired assured me it was the next step. I was nervous when I arrived at his camp. Surprised at how welcoming he was, I told him of my quest. He invited me to his altar and gave me a sacred herb brewed into a bitter tea that delivered me into a deep, trancelike sleep. I awoke, but I was in a dream. I saw Paititi. It didn’t seem like a dream to me at the time, it felt like I was truly there. I could feel the stonecold breeze against my cheeks as I gazed across streets studded with bold statues. The buildings, either gold or adorned with golden glyphs, welcomed me in to behold their ornate treasures. As I floated within them, there was gold. Gold everywhere, in every detail. The main temple housed a huge gold slab suspended above an altar of what looked like golden vines interwoven into some kind of upside down crow’s nest. The slab was adorned with twelve stones: Black Jade, Shaman Stone, Pyrite, Dioptase, Kyanite, Rose Quartz, White Sapphire, Citrine, Carnelian, Amethyst, Jet and Obsidian. As the energy of the stones drew me closer, a pulsating white light appeared behind the altar, condensing into some kind of entity. But before I could make out who or what it was, I awoke alone back in the shaman’s temple. In this moment I knew Paititi was real. I still had no idea where it was, but I knew if I searched I would find it. I felt as if it wanted me there. This awareness has since faded, but at times I feel it again.

This morning, as I thanked him for his help, the shaman looked into my eyes and said, “your greatest challenge will be your greatest teacher.” As I left the village with my newfound confidence, Vinicius came to me in excitement. When he was scavenging the caves outside the village, a rockslide had revealed a mapstone. Upon closer inspection, it looked like coded directions to Paititi! Could this be? I wonder, “am I going to find Paititi, or is Paititi going to find me?”

Lyrics

I was lyin by the willow
With a tear beneath my pillow
And a jaded positivity
I was lookin through the matrix when I found you
I caught a little stride so I hopped into my ride
Another possibility
I was workin through the matrix
That’s what I do

So I’m waiting in dark places
On my own
Waiting for small traces
All alone
Waiting in dark places
On my own
Waiting for small traces
All alone

We were runnin from a twilight
As I waited in the moonlight with a jaded positivity
I was workin through the matrix
When I met you
You walked into the room and my heart began to bloom
Another possibility
I was working through the matrix
That’s what I do
I forgot about the matrix when I kissed you

So I’m waiting in dark places
On my own
Waiting for small traces
All alone
Waiting in dark places
On my own
Waiting for small traces
All alone

I want to fall in love
I want to fall in love
I want to fall in love with you
I want to fall in love with you

So I’m waiting in dark places
On my own
Waiting for small traces
All alone
Waiting in dark places
On my own
Waiting for small traces
All alone

Cause I want you
I want you
I want you
Waiting in dark places
On my own
Yes I do
I am waiting for small traces
cause I want you
I want you
I want
You

In My Head

I knew translating that stone was too easy. It seemed almost as if it was written for me. I am so frustrated right now. Months of travel through the harshest jungles, all the climbing. I even stopped at one of the larger towns so I could telegraph news that I would be returning with treasures from Paititi soon. “Ahead lie the gates of Paititi” I said, like a fool. I can’t believe I was so naive. I already feel like I’ve given everything I have, and now I’m right back where I started. Nowhere. We found nothing. Just some old ruins. At first we found what looked like the entryway of what could have been Paititi. Vinicius was so surprised. My heart was pounding as I ran along the cliffsides. My mind blasting: I’ve found the gates! We’re here! But as I drew closer my hopes scattered like the dust in the wind. It was just the ruins of what looks like some sort of outpost. I felt embarrassed, and defeated. My men tried to remind me that it was still a find. And it was, beautiful in its own right, but just not the place I needed it to be. Such a high to such a low. But I can’t give up now. I’ve already come too far. Tomorrow is another day, and I’m going to take it. And perhaps I’m not starting over. I have learned much. Every morning another man wakes.

Lyrics

Those weren’t the words I thought you was gonna say
You flicked that joint
As you blew my dreams away

It was in my head

That little house with that white picket fence
My foolish mind likes to pretend

Likes to pretend

It was in my head
My heart is just a bruise cause this love I’d never
lose was in my head

You light the room now as I turn red
I can’t forget the things that you never said

That you never said
The things that you never said
I played it off like I knew what you meant
My foolish mind likes to pretend

Likes to pretend

It was in my head
My heart is just a bruise cause this love I’d never lose was in my head

I thought you’d say you’d love me
That we could run away
That our lives began today
That this oasis was within reach
Whenever there’s a chance for some genuine romance I find this mirage is only

It was only in my head

It was in my head

My heart is just a bruise cause this love I’d never lose was in my

Backstabber

Just before I woke up this morning I was having the oddest dream. I was placing flowers on an unmarked grave. I didn’t feel sad, just very detached. I awoke to Pedro shaking me, “they’re gone, they’re gone!” Apparently my guide and two of my porters ran off last night with much of my supplies, my notes, maps and some personal belongings! Thankfully they didn’t take this journal. I am so angry. How could Vinicius do this? I wasn’t that close with Lucas and Jose, but Vinicius was becoming like a brother to me. I just lay there in shock as my two remaining men scrambled around the site trying to figure out what was missing and what was left. I kept thinking that at any moment I would see Vinicius return to let us know he was sending the supplies ahead for some perfectly good reason, but as the day wore on it was clear they were gone. I thought for a moment maybe something happened to them. But Julio found some sleeping herbs in the tea that Vinicius made for the three of us last night. They must have drugged us to sleep. I am so angry! I feel so betrayed! All this time and for this to happen now!? I already felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. It’s one thing to leave, but to take our things. This is a huge setback. Miraculously we found the mapstone several hundred yards from camp down by the river; they must have dropped it. Vinicius kept insisting that it would still lead us to somewhere. Well I still have it. Pedro and Julio are insisting we move forward. I can’t help but feel paralyzed. I’m still trying to process how this could happen. I will never forget this. Never.

Lyrics

You’ll meet her through a friend and you’ll think she’s super swell
She’ll charm you with a smile and the stories that she’ll tell
You’ll really fall in love think you’ve made a friend for life
But when you turn around she’ll be
reaching
for
the
knife

Cause she’s a backstabber
She’s a little backstabber
(Better watch your back cause that girl is fucking whack)
Backstabber, she’s a little backstabber
(Acts like she’s your friend, she’ll betray you in the end)
Oh yeah

She’ll bake you pot cookies and she’ll take you for a drink
She’ll get you all relaxed so you tell her what you think
She’ll look you in the eye say your secrets she will keep
Much to your surprise she’ll be bloggin it next week

Cause she’s a backstabber
She’s a little backstabber
(Better watch your back cause that girl is fucking whack)
Backstabber, she’s a little backstabber
(Acts like she’s your friend, she’ll betray you in the end)
Oh yeah

I’m gonna hit the tracks
No I ain’t comin back
Once shame on you
(Shame Shame Shame)
Twice shame on me

She’ll tell you that you’re smart
All the things you wanna hear
You’ll think that you can trust her but you better check your rear
View
Mirror
Cause she’s a backstabber
She’s a little backstabber

(Better watch your back cause that girl is fucking whack)
Backstabber, she’s a little backstabber
(Acts like she’s your friend, she’ll betray you in the end)
(She acts like she’s your friend)
Backstabber, she’s a little backstabber
(Gonna hit the tracks, I ain’t never comin back)
Backstabber, she’s a little backstabber
Oh Yeah

She acts like she’s your friend
She’ll betray you in the end

Promises

I listen to the old phonograph in the hotel lobby as I stare at my drink. Pedro and Julio still have not returned. We were supposed to reunite at the hotel over two weeks ago. I thought maybe something had happened, but I got word today from a girl in the village past the river who said they had decided to go home. Left behind, again. After Vinicius left, both Pedro and Julio promised they would stay with me at least until this summer while I looked for a new guide. And now they leave without telling me. Does a man’s word mean anything anymore? And they know this is the worst possible time. They said they’d be back. I believed them. I must be so naive. I am considering going home. But home to what? I’ve sold everything to come here. I just don’t know if I can do this. Disappointed.

Lyrics

oh you whisper to me
thoughts that sweep me away
got your number my dear
cause your whispers betray

yet still I find
here in my mind
we're intertwined
have you forgotten me
I hear what you say
what price do I pay
to understand what you mean
the shadows that gleam
a distance between
what's said and what's seen

I have searched for the high
and I've searched for the low
I have searched for a LOVE dear
and I've searched to let go!!!!

yet still I find
here in my mind
we're intertwined
have you forgotten me
I hear what you say
what price do I pay
to understand what you mean
alone on the floor
no one’s at the door
now baby where's my dream
the shadows that gleam
a distance between

your broken promises

I know that a moment is something that we cannot plan for
and that thoughts are just nothing but words that are drifting away but
R. E. S. P. E. C. T.
I still have two hands for
so where are yours
these promises seem like they'll never redeem

yet still I find
here in my mind
we're intertwined
have you forgotten me
I hear what you say
what price do I pay
to understand what you mean
alone on the floor
no one’s at the door
now baby where's my dream
the shadows that gleam
a distance between

your broken promises

you’re broken

the shadows that gleam a distance between
what’s said and what’s seen
between you and me

between you and me

Love’s Hero

Something just hit me today. I feel different. I feel hope. I feel a renewed sense of myself. I know that this is possible. I’m so glad I decided to head west. I found two new porters and a guide today! I have a great feeling about these men. The mapstone seems to be leading me in the right direction. This is not a commitment that I have chosen. This is a commitment that has chosen me. This is not about finding Paititi. This is about surrendering myself to her! Paititi! If I give all of myself to you, will you reveal yourself to me? Only time will tell. But it matters not, for I have no choice in the matter. I must move forward. That is my destiny. I have sailed the ocean. Now I must climb the rocks upon this shore.

Lyrics

I wonder what you’re thinkin
I wonder what you’re feelin
I wonder what you’re gonna do

I wonder if you’ll take me
I wonder if you’ll break me
Cause baby I know I’d take you

If I was love’s hero
And I fought for love like none before
Would you open up that door?
If I sailed the ocean
And I climbed the rocks upon your shore
Would you open up that door?

I would never tame you
I would never blame you
I would never take away

I would only lift you
I would only love you
I only want for you to stay

If I was love’s hero
And I fought for love like none before
Would you open up that door?
If I sailed the ocean
And I climbed the rocks upon your shore
Would you open up that

Life’s a mess
It’s all a test
We do our best
With what we get
No guarantees
Twist in the breeze
Stay with me please
Together we can put our fears to rest

If I was love’s hero
And I fought for love like none before
Would you open up that door?
If I sailed the ocean
And I climbed the rocks upon your shore
Would you open up that
And if I said I loved you and that I could never ask for more
Would you open up that door

I wonder what you’re thinkin
I wonder what you’re feelin
I wonder what you’re gonna do

Somethin That Ain’t Mine

Last night as it rained I lamented on this past year. I thought about the places I had been. The highs, the lows. This journey may not yet have brought me to my destination, but it has brought me here. And as my mind began to blur all these experiences into one emotion, a stillness opened up this space inside of me. A singular thought entered. The mapstone is false. It’s a security blanket, nothing else. It has nothing to do with Paititi. It gives no true direction. It only allows me to believe I’m heading in the right direction. I don’t know what it is. It has the signs of Paititi but it doesn’t seem to really be of Paititi. No matter how much I want it to be the key, it is not. I decided to accept what it was, not make it into what I wanted it to be. And so I let it go. I walked through the rain and threw it into the Amazon. And there it lies for somebody else to find. It was hard to let it go, but after I did I felt free.

Lyrics

I get your text and I just don’t know what to say
I wish that I could say I missed you
But I don’t feel that way
I wish that I could take you to another place and time
But I am only me
And I am only I

I don’t feel the same
There’s no one here to blame
I just don’t wanna claim, darling
Something that ain’t mine
I don’t wanna be life’s big mystery
I just want you to see that you’re
Something that ain’t mine

Something that ain’t mine

I look into your eyes I don’t know what to say
I wish that I could say I loved you
But I don’t feel that way
I wish that I could take you to another place and time
But I am only me
And I am only I

I don’t feel the same
There’s no one here to blame
I just don’t wanna claim, darling
Something that ain’t mine
I don’t wanna be life’s big mystery
I just want you to see that you’re
Something that ain’t mine

Something that ain’t mine

I know that you’re lonely
With all your hopes and dreams
Just don’t hang those things on me

I don’t feel the same
There’s no one here to blame
I just don’t wanna claim, darling
Something that ain’t mine
I don’t wanna be life’s big mystery
I just want you to see that you’re
Something that ain’t mine
We can still be friends
It doesn’t have to end
I just cannot pretend cause you’re
Something that ain’t mine

Something that ain’t mine

I get your text and I just don’t know what to say

Show Me

It’s still raining. We are still taking refuge in the caves. Last night I fell asleep next to the fire and dreamed I was among the low hanging cliffs. Looking out into the forest I saw a white apparition disappearing into the trees, what looked like the figure of a woman. A goddess of the forest. Was this the entity I saw at the altar? I ran through the forest chasing her, always one step behind her glowing energy. I awoke and wrote these words:

I've heard your legends
I seek your truth
I'm on this journey
I believe in you
But the forests are so deep
With the secrets that you keep
I turn the corner
I still can't see
But I'll keep searching because I believe
That beneath your canopy
Lies our destiny
Please show me that you care
Show me that you'll be there for me
Show me all your love is true
I wanna be the one to show you
A sky so blue
Please show me that you care
Be there for me
I climb your mountains through your valleys fair
This could be endless yes I'm well aware
But what else can I do
I've surrendered me to you
I hear your echoes in the midnight air
I know you're out there I can feel your stare
This dream I will awake
I will stand before your gates
Please show me that you care
Show me that you'll be there for me
Show me all your love is true
I wanna be the one to show you
A sky so blue
Please show me that you care
Be there for me
Paititi!
You slip away from me
I still feel your energy
I walk
You run
The sun
The sun and the moon should be one
Please show me that you care
Show me that you'll be there for me
Show me all your love is true
I wanna be the one to show you
A sky so blue
Please show me that you care
Be there

Lyrics

--Interlude--
The Mountains overgrown
Roads buried there
Could you find my lost heart
No one else has dared them
Maps forgotten
Cliffs unknown
There’s danger there
Could your fingers even start
To crawl up to this heart
-- --

I've heard your legends
I seek your truth
I'm on this journey
I believe in you
But the forests are so deep
With the secrets that you keep

I turn the corner
I still can't see
But I'll keep searchin babe cause I believe
That beneath your canopy
Lies our destiny

Please show me that you care
show me that you'll be there for me
show me all your love is true
I wanna be the one to show you
a sky so blue now
please show me that you care
be there for me

I climb your mountains through your valleys fair
this could be endless yes I'm well aware
What else can I do
I've surrendered me to you

I hear your echos in the midnight air
I know you're out there I can feel your stare
These dreams I will awake
I will stand before your gates

Please show me that you care
show me that you'll be there for me
show me all your love is true
I wanna be the one to show you
a sky so blue now
please show me that you care
be there for me

(Paititi!)
You slip away from me
I still feel your energy
I walk you run
The sun
The sun and the moon should be one

Please show me that you care
show me that you'll be there for me
show me all your love is true
I wanna be the one to show you
a sky so blue now
please show me that you care

be there

Twisted

I saw Jose in the city today when I was at the university library. He actually found me! I was too surprised to even react. He was apologizing, telling me he needed to meet me in private, saying it was very important. Of course I was apprehensive at first and still very angry because of the way he left, but Jose always struck me as a follower. I can see how Vinicius could have manipulated him, so I agreed to meet. We spent the evening drinking at the tavern across the street from the hotel, and what a story he told me. At first I found it hard to trust him, but when I realized he had nothing to gain, his words began to resonate within me. Like a stereogram, all the unexplained details started to coalesce. He told me that during the first months of our expedition Vinicius has become angry over how I was dividing the labor and felt I was favoring Julio and Pedro. He started to become very jealous about the funding I was receiving, feeling an outsider was not worthy of Paititi. I had no idea he felt this way. Having access to my information, he felt he could find Paititi on his own, but needed to throw me off the trail. That’s when he decided to forge a false mapstone! Yes! The mapstone was false after all! He figured he would lead me astray, get me to trust the stone and then abandon me at just the right point. That’s why he was so surprised when we found the ruins, it was just a coincidence. When he saw how upset I was to find ruins instead of Paititi, he thought leaving at that point and making it look like he had tried to steal the mapstone and find Paititi for himself would reinstate my belief in the stone. He could then keep me on my wild goose chase while he cut across the mountains and headed in the opposite direction where he believed Paititi was located. Instead it made me almost give up entirely. And sent me practically following him! It’s a good thing I finally tossed aside the mapstone and recentered myself. I asked why Jose was telling me all this, and apparently Vinicius had betrayed him as well. Jose found him making plans with Lucas to leave Jose behind, so Jose ending up leaving on his own. He said he found me by accident. His guilt urged him to confess. Or perhaps he’s confessing to spite Vinicius?

I’m furious. To be manipulated like that. All the time and energy. Thank the gods I got a lot of information during that time, and that I got rid of that mapstone. But I have new information now. I’m heading out into the jungle tomorrow, but not to find Paititi. I’m coming for Vinicius.

Lyrics

So it’s come to my attention you’ve been talking lots of smack
Cursing up my name every time I turn my back
Darling please forgive me if I think it’s kind of lame
After all the things I’ve done you really ought to be ashamed

When I met you, you were whining cause your life had gotten dark
So I found a silver lining, taught you how to light your spark
I thought that I could help you wipe your negative away
But just like Oprah says another man you cannot change no

Don’t get it twisted
Let’s get it right
I like to party
I don’t like to fight
So if another hater is what you wanna be
Then you’d better get it right, get it right if you’re coming for me babe

So you think that I’m all ego and I’m all about the me
That I live in the delusion of my own reality
Well if you’re so enlightened like you’re Buddha by the tree
Then why tell everybody things that you should say to me

Wasn’t I the one who always lent a helping hand
Packing up the bowls and picking up the tab
This luggage here is yours anybody would agree
Now it’s time you take it home instead of leaving it with me yo

Don’t get it twisted
Let’s get it right
I like to party
I don’t like to fight
So if another hater is what you wanna be
Then you’d better get it right, get it right if you’re coming for me babe

You’re jealous of the money
And the power
And the beauty
And the fame
The money
And the power
And the beauty
And the fame
This jaded little picture that you’re painting up as me reads like a selfportrait
of your insecurities

yo

Don’t get it twisted
Let’s get it right
I like to party
I don’t like to fight
So if another hater is what you wanna be
Then you’d better get it right, get it right if you’re coming for me babe

So if you’re gonna sing me your twisted medley
Then you’d better get it right

Get it right if you’re comin for me babe

Snow White

The winds howled as I hiked the mountain trail this morning. I still haven’t found Vinicius’ camp. I don’t know what I’ll do when I find it. What’s new is that I’m starting to wonder if I really care. Like drops of rain, thoughts fell throughout my mind all day. I went back in time. I conjured up everyone that has ever betrayed me. I thought about their poison. I thought about what they betrayed inside themselves. Most of all, I thought about how I betrayed myself. I thought about my poison. I thought about what I did to contribute to my own betrayal, and how I allowed myself to become the victim. It’s funny, the line we can walk. The line between betraying ourselves and protecting ourselves. How that line is blurred by emotion. In this moment, I feel like the biggest betrayal of myself would be to not confront Vinicius. To not reclaim my stolen property. To not somehow exact retribution. Yet at the same time, the smallest voice inside of me whispers that to pursue this is the betrayal. Besides, nothing I can do now will change what was.

I’m tired. I’m hurt. I don’t know what to do. But I do know that it’s my choice. And the only one that can save me now is the one that I’d betray.

Lyrics

There in the forest
Beneath the trees
Lies one cannot awake from her sleep
She awaits there in the mists for the prince of her dreams
She awaits there for a kiss to a life that she completes

Did you bite that poison apple?
Did you go and choose your fate?
Did you bite that poison apple?
Did you make your last mistake?
Did you go and run now from a truth you cannot hide?
Why did you bite that poison apple?

Why did you bite that apple dear Snow White?

Was it youth?
Was it a beauty to behold?
Was it power was it sex was it gold?
What made you go and knock now on that witch’s door?
What lie did you tell her girl to get the tonic that she bore?

Did you bite that poison apple?
Did you go and choose your fate?
Did you bite that poison apple?
Did you make your last mistake?
Did you go and run now from a truth you cannot hide?
Why did you bite that poison apple?

Why did you bite that apple dear Snow White?

Now the only one who can save you now is the one that you’d betray
The only one who can save you now is that witch that you would blame
So will she lead that prince beneath the branch where you retire
Will she lead him south to the caves where the dragons light their fire

My God you took that tonic

Did you bite that poison apple?
Did you go and choose your fate?
Did you bite that poison apple?
Did you make your last mistake?
Did you go and run now from a truth you cannot hide?
Why did you bite that poison apple?

Why did you bite that apple dear Snow White?
Dear Snow White
Why did you bite that poison apple?
Why did you bite that apple dear Snow White?

Hear him coming?
Do you hear him Snow White?
Is it the prince of darkness or could it be the
Prince of Light?

Barrel Racer

Need water. Need food. Fever. Days. Please. God Please. Water

Lyrics

In love with a racer
In love with a dream
In love there’s a danger
You’re not what you seem

And I never was the one to get lost in the sun
These things that I’d believe when I’m so lost in you I can’t breathe

Well you’re a world away and my heart just can’t equate
So lost in you I can’t breathe
You finish what you start when you crawl across my heart
So lost in you I can’t
Breathe

So lost in you I can’t breathe

A barrel racer’s hat hits the wind
I round the corner
Will fall off again

And I never was the one to get lost in the sun
These things that I’d believe when I’m so lost in you I can’t breathe

Well you’re a world away and my heart just can’t equate
So lost in you I can’t breathe
You finish what you start when you crawl across my heart
So lost in you I can’t
Breathe

So lost in you I can’t breathe

I can’t take it anymore
I can’t take it anymore
I will walk out that door
Leave for the shore
I don’t wanna be afraid
Yeah but I will not be delayed
When I can’t breathe

I can’t breathe yeah
I can’t breathe
Well you’re a world away and my heart just can’t equate
So lost in you I can’t breathe
I missed your text again
Will this waiting ever end
So lost in you I can’t
I can’t breathe
So lost in you I can’t

In love with a racer
In love with a dream

Joey

Water. After almost losing all hope I found a stream in the forest today. Oh my God, the feeling. I’ve never been so happy. These past weeks have been the roughest yet. But after being lost, getting sick, hallucinating, almost starving and dying of dehydration I feel more clear and alive than ever before. In those moments of desperation I let go. I let go of the past. I let go of my feelings towards Vinicius. I let go of my fears of not succeeding. I let go of my need to find Paititi. I let go of everything. All that mattered was surviving that moment. And inside that moment of survival I began to heal a part of myself I had forgotten. It felt almost as if I was being forged. Like my body and soul were going through a metamorphosis. My arms and legs beating themselves into radiant wings. My form stretching through the pain. I see myself on the other side of this moment and I know I will never be the same again. I feel love. I feel free.

Lyrics

Joey baby don’t get crazy
Detours, fences, I get defensive

I know you’ve heard it all before
So I won’t say it anymore
I’ll just stand by and let you fight your secret war
And though I used to wonder why
I used to cry till I was dry

Still sometimes I feel that strange pain inside
Joey if you’re hurtin well so am I

Joey, honey, I’ve got the money
All is forgiven
Listen
Listen

And if I seem to be confused
I didn’t mean to be with you
And when you say I scared you well I guess you scared me too
But we got lucky once before
And I don’t wanna close the door

And if you’re somewhere lying passed out on the floor
Joey I ain’t angry anymore

I know I seem to be confused
I didn’t mean to be with you
And I guess that’s only something you’ll know for you
But if it’s love you’re looking for
I could give a little more

And if you’re somewhere drunk and passed out on the floor
Joey I ain’t angry anymore
Joey I ain’t angry anymore

Angry anymore

Believe

I used to think letting go was a betrayal of myself. Now I see that not letting go is the only betrayal. I see that trusting others is really about the trust you have in yourself. And that ultimately, trusting yourself is what is at the center of everything.

Paititi is not on a path you seek to find. You walk your path, and it finds you. The search is not a call you make. You are called to the search. Today, past the rivers, beyond the mists of the green Andes, I stood at the gates of Paititi. It is the wildest dream and the most obvious eventuality. Walking inside felt like completing myself. The validation is intoxicating. I feel the power of my own conviction. Unbelievably, the vision I had when I visited the shaman is shockingly exact. The temple. The altar. The 13 stones. Everything as I had seen it! There is an energy here, a spirit that vibrates of ancient wisdom and longlost power. I know I must study and log every detail, but all I want to do is explore more. I want to experience her glory.

Feel her vibrations. Get lost in her details. Now that I’m here, I just want to be here. And here I am.

Lyrics

Time, I just need a little more
I need to open up that door
I’ve got to find that endless shore

But you, you always seem to find what’s wrong
You pick apart my little song
With your wind that blows so strong
Blows so strong

I can’t believe
I can’t believe that you would leave
I can’t believe

Don’t you believe

You live the opposite of truth
You always set your sails to lose
Can’t you see it’s we who choose
But I
I believe in what I’m worth
And I will stand here though it hurts
Walk the gauntlet of my birth
Till I die I’ll sing these words
Sing these words

I can’t believe
I can’t believe that you would leave
I can’t believe
I can’t believe that you would leave
Don’t you believe in destiny
Don’t you believe in you and me
I can’t believe

And when all is said and done and the battles have been won
I will not forget my time
No matter how the story ends
The moment always is my friend
A life you love is not a crime

I can’t believe
I can’t believe that you would leave
I can’t believe
I can’t believe that you would leave
Don’t you believe in destiny
Don’t you believe in you and me
I believe in destiny
I believe in you and me
Said I believe in destiny
I believe in you and me
I believe
I believe
I believe in

Me